Vanessa Marin, a California-based sex therapist with over 20 years of experience, has identified four common mistakes that could be holding you back. The bottom line? If you’re guilty of even one, you’re standing in the way of making 2025 your most passionate year yet.

Marin, who has helped thousands of couples, speaks from experience. She admits it took years of effort to build a strong, compassionate, and accountable relationship with her husband, Xander. Her message is clear: a great relationship takes work, and if you’re not ready to put in the effort, don’t expect magic.

Here are the four toxic habits you need to ditch immediately. Buckle up — the truth might sting.

1. Stop expecting him to do all the work.

It’s 2024. Why are you still clinging to the outdated idea that initiating sex is a man’s responsibility? Marin emphasizes that a thriving relationship requires effort from both partners. Men love it when you take the lead. If you’re waiting for him to make the first move, you’re not just being passive — you’re killing the spark.

2. Quit guilt-tripping him when he’s not in the mood.

Respecting your partner’s boundaries is non-negotiable. Marin warns that pressuring or shaming him when he’s not feeling it is a fast track to intimacy issues. Studies show that associating sex with negativity can harm a relationship long-term. If you want to maintain a healthy connection, back off and give him the space he needs.

3. Speak up about what you want.

Staying silent about your desires cheats both you and your partner out of a fulfilling sex life. Marin stresses that communication is the foundation of intimacy. If you’re too afraid to express your needs, you can’t blame anyone but yourself when dissatisfaction creeps in. Open up and start the conversation — it’s worth it.

4. Stop making his performance issues about you.

If your partner struggles with erectile dysfunction, it’s not a reflection of your attractiveness. Marin calls out the toxic habit of reacting with tears, accusations, or pouting. These responses only add pressure and make the problem worse. Instead, focus on being supportive. Addressing the issue with care can turn a temporary challenge into an opportunity for deeper connection.

Marin’s advice has struck a chord with her followers, many of whom praise her no-nonsense approach. One fan summed it up perfectly: rigid expectations are ruining relationships everywhere.

If you’re ready to let go of these toxic habits and reignite your relationship in 2025, Marin’s guidance is your starting point. The choice is yours: take her advice or stay stuck in neutral. Just don’t say you weren’t warned.